Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
