I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
