absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
