this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
