she was so not down for the gang bang
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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