He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
