My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She told me I should be a condom model.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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