A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you had me at cake vodka
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
