I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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