wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
