Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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