I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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