hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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