So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
