i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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