I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
