Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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