and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
