38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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