I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
