so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
