i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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