Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
