Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I smell stomach acid.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
