Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
