this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
