Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
