Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
