whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
