he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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