I just threw up on my dentist
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
