My room smells like vodka and shame
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
