exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
