soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
