Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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