There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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