Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
