Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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