I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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