i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
