we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You pole danced in your parka.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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