mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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