just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
