I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
