We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
