No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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