Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I cut my penus on the lid.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
