this beer tastes like vomit already
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
