I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
