Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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