You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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