i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Boobs are out for the taking
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
