I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
