Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
