Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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