guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
